im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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