It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
