One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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