update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
