Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
