I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
