I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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