good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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