I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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