Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
