P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
