Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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