It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
