I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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