Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Where is the hickey?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
