my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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