I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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