On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
