My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
