my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
