butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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