Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
