ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
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