hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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