i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
