it hurts more in the daytime
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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