her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
