i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
