you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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