took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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