i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
