YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
