Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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