they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
