Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
