have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
