Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
