So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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