i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
