We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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