she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
