i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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