wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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