walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
