You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
