Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
