im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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