Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
