this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
