My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
