Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Randomize
