So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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