So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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